


how to date a queen

by ForeverDoesntExist



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Crack, F/M, I'm so funny I know, Javi is having a mental breakdown, LobbySecretSanta, M/M, Pure Crack, Wingman Jun, Wingman Yuzu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28205112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverDoesntExist/pseuds/ForeverDoesntExist
Summary: This is how Javi got Yuna to be part of Revolution On Ice back in 2018.Totally.
Relationships: Javier Fernández & Yuzuru Hanyu, Javier Fernández/Yuna Kim, Yuzuru Hanyu/Shoma Uno
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	how to date a queen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emilia_kaisa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/gifts).



> Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy the crackiest fic of cracks! It's not that funny but I tried.

“Javi, that’s ugly.”

“Javi, that looks like Effie chewed the sleeves off.”

“Javi, that-”

_Lord help me, I’m going to strangle him and then I’ll strangle myself, because there’s no way she will date me if she knew I killed Yuzu, right?_

“Jaaaavi! Are you listening?”

Javi was in fact, not listening at all. He had one chance to maybe not fuck it all up and his friends weren’t really helping. His friends, meaning the two idiots that trained alongside him, but what else could he do? It was not like he could just call Raya for dating advice and he really doubted that he knew what it was like to impress a queen. 

Because that was what Yuna Kim was. A freaking queen that he could only admire from afar for years, but had now the chance to maybe (big maybe) get to know her better and throw her a random invitation to Revolution On Ice. That would guarantee her to stay in Spain for at least a few weeks.

It sounded plausible, right?

So that was the main reason why he ended up with two idiots sprawled on his bed, on his tiny Toronto apartment, packing his belongings, trying to fit some decent clothes in order to impress someone that probably didn’t know he existed.

If only Yuzuru didn’t shot down every single piece of clothing that he tried to smush inside his carrier.

“Do you even own clothes besides your training gear to be giving me opinions?”

It was a legitimate question, Javi had always wondered if Yuzuru’s clothes were all sponsored by Under Armor, because then the awful suits would make sense. You couldn’t really expect a sports brand to make decent suits, right?

“I do, I have some pants that are really stretchy and you can even skate with them!”

“Yuzu those are leggings and no, they don’t count.”

Suddenly Javi heard a crash and just by the coffee table, Jun-Hwan held a wet Effie in his arms and a bowl of water on the other, a pool already forming around both.

“I can explain.”

“Why is he here?” Javi asked Yuzuru who was now trying to dry both the cat ad the human with Javi’s discarded clothes.

“He’s Korean.”

As Effie escaped the chaos and settled herself on top of Javi’s luggage, wetting his gear and all of his belongings, he threw the skates inside and prayed that once in Pyeongchang, some higher deity would help him because his friends were definitely useless.

***

  
“So, you just go and say: ‘I’m Javi, I like you a lot and like, I have this show coming up and like, could you please come?’”

Jun-Hwan flipped his non-existent ponytail around as he talked, and Javi made a mental note to warn Brian about the kid watching way too many American chick flicks, or maybe it was just too much Conrad.

“Thanks, Jun but I don’t think she’ll appreciate me talking like an American blond girl.”

It was their first day in South Korea and Javi had already spotted her twice. Even though she wouldn’t compete, Yuna would still be part of the Opening Ceremony and it was said that she would stick around for the competition.

Things had really started to look good on his side.

“Javiiii!”

Like always he found himself with his arms full of a gangly Japanese teammate but now, a sulking smaller skater trailed behind him like a lost puppy. By the dazed look on his face, he might have been truly lost.

“Shoma, you okay there buddy?”

Yuzuru just patted his boyfriend’s head like his personal teddy bear and cooed at him, “Don’t mind him, he’s just grumpy because he doesn’t get to share a room with me.”

Shoma grumbled under his breath, and all that Javi managed to understand was something about getting to room with kids because they mistook his age and thought he would be more comfortable with his juniours.

_Well, he does look twelve right now._

“Have you made progress?”

_Right. I have a mission here besides winning the Olympics. If I don’t win though, maybe she can comfort me or something-_

“Not really, you see, I managed to introduce myself but then Brian showed up and I was like, this might be awkward so I ran after she said hello.”

“You ran.”

“I ran.”

Even Shoma seemed to just lose his otherwise stoned look and just laughed at his misery. If the Japanese midget was amused then Javi must have really fucked up.

“What was I supposed to do? It’s not like I can just bond with her over the fact that we made Brian’s hair fall off for years.”

_Wait, maybe that could have actually worked…?_

“Javi just try again tomorrow, you have to be more aggressive.”

Not much made sense in his life at the moment, but having Yuzuru Hanyu tell you to be aggressive in order to get a girl definitely wasn’t it.

“You look like a twig with a baby face that might look scary when you wake up, don’t tell me that being aggressive is how you got a boyfriend.”

If he were to be honest, Javi didn’t even know how Yuzuru and Shoma had gotten together in the first place, they barely saw each other and then out of a sudden Yuzuru showed up with a confused Shoma behind him and proclaimed that the younger skater was his boyfriend now.

Did Shoma know that he was his boyfriend, though? Javi had his doubts.

But, as he watched the usually quiet boy cling to Yuzuru’s side as he came up with more insane tactics and love advice, he understood that sometimes distance didn’t matter and if you really cared about someone, then you will try to make it work somehow.

He wasn’t in love with Yuna, that much he knew. But since Sochi, he had been completely captivated by her presence, her talent, her intelligence, and how she had fought to bring the sport forward in her country just like him. He was completely enamored even with her worst moments on the Korean shows he might have binged just for her.

It was a stupid crush.

And the worst idea.

So, obviously, Javi had to try.

***

“How about some charm, hein? Tell her about your conquests!”´

“Jun, I’m pretty sure she can find my amazing conquests on Wikipedia so, no.”

Jun-Hwan rolled his eyes and just shut up again as he had done during most of their stay. Javi was exhausted and between practice sessions, the miserable cold, Yuzuru tripping people around the rink, and Shoma falling asleep mid-jumps he hadn’t had a chance to actually find the girl he constantly dreamt about.

The dreams were the best part of his nights, given the fact that his bed was creaky and his roommate snored louder than the sound of a lawnmower.

“And I don’t need to add any charm, I’m Spanish.”

Jun-Hwan just grabbed his food tray, shrugged, and happily skipped away to where his friends stood in a circle all gossiping about some Korean girl band. How did he get stuck with the only Korean skater that couldn’t help him with Yuna?

Not to mention that he was friends with Yuzuru Hanyu but that idiot had never thought of meeting Yuna either. Weren’t Olympic Champions supposed to be buddies or something?

_Maybe there were different group chats for silver and gold medalists-_

“Hey Javi, I have an idea…why don’t you just take the silver medal and you’ll have something in common with her?”

Javi hadn’t noticed exactly when Yuzuru had sat in front of him but suddenly he felt like he wanted to use that food tray for a different purpose. Shoma glared at him from under those forever too-long bangs and without a sound, Javi put the tray down.

“Is this seat taken?”

“Yes, by Yuzu’s wig if he opens his mouth ag-”

_Dios._

Waiting for him to answer, Yuna patiently stood near the stool next to him awkwardly looking at the trio. Just as Yuzuru and Shoma were about to get up and excuse themselves, Javi did the most obvious thing and…ran.

Because that’s what you do when you are a 26-year-old man, one of the most renowned skaters of your time, and about to fight for gold in the Olympic games.

***

“This is getting pathetic.”

“Shut up Jun.”

Waiting for the results after his free had been nerve-wracking, waiting to know which color his medal would be had been even more stressing, but getting ready for the dinner gala? Where She would be present?

Simply panic-inducing.

Javi had done his best, had fought hard for his medal, and cemented his place in the history of figure skating forever. What else was he supposed to do? Go and ask Yuna Kim out?

Now that was just too much.

“Listen, it’s going to be fine. We’re going to be right there and I won’t let you run away again okay? I even have my handcuffs with me in case I need to strap you to the table.”

_Why did Yuzu have-_

“You touch me with those and I’ll strangle you with your golden medal ribbon.”

Yuzuru laughed and before he left the room with the usual entourage in tow, he hugged his best friend and whispered some words of final encouragement in his ear.

“Remember that you are the bravest of us all, you always were.”

***

He could do this.

He couldn’t do this.

Yes, he could.

Yuna looked even more dazzling than he remembered. Her blue dress seemed to just float around her and the way she laughed at whatever her stupid date told her, made his insides turn to mush. Yes, he had already decided that her date was stupid even if he had no idea who he was.

Maybe he might have been a K-Pop idol, and maybe there were definitely a dozen reporters around the room that seemed focused on this person but…he was definitely stupid.

He desperately wanted to approach her but how could he when the cameras were focused on her and the stupid human light pole.

From the other side of the room, there was an equally annoyed Yuzuru Hanyu. Even though for completely different reasons, aka the lack of attention in his case. It took him about three seconds to get the press running to him after shouting:

“Anyone wants to know my skincare routine?”

_Time to man up, Fernández._

_You told your mother in the face that you wanted to move continents with some shady-ass dude at 17 so, you can definitely do this._

“Mind if I cut in?”

Her stupid date didn’t seem pleased but Yuna quickly detached herself from his stupid arm and nodded, motioning Javi to follow her to a more secluded place within the room and away from the mess around them. She hadn’t spoken a word and Javi found himself dumbly walking behind her.

“I’m Javi, I mean I’m Javier Fernandez?”

“You are not sure?”

_Just run and save your face-_

This time it was Shoma that dangled a pair of shiny handcuffs behind Yuna’s back and Javi gulped. He definitely wasn’t a coward. That one time he had screamed and cried after Jun’s raccoons had stormed the TCC didn’t count.

“I mean, yeah I’m Javier and I wanted to…tell you that I really like you since…forever? Would you like to get some coffee sometime? And would you like to be part of this skating thing I have, I mean I’m going to have if I don’t die of a heart attack till then…humn…it’s called Revolution On Ice? Spain?”

“I’m not sure if you are asking me out or giving me a job proposition.”

“Both?”

Yuna smiled and Javi swore he would puke anytime now. How great would it be to just puke in front of your crush when you just asked her out?

“I’m messing with you,” Javi just stood frozen in his spot and she took a step closer, maybe two, she seemed ready to take whatever she wanted, “Jun-Hwan told me all about that two weeks ago.”


End file.
